I'm frustrated. I'm finally sitting down with enough mustered up courage to finally type a blog entry. I want to say something amazing, something life changing, something profound. But I feel like I'm running on E. I don't know how everybody else's life and walk is going right now, but for these past few months I have been feeling a little empty and distant. I usually pride myself in being so honest and transparent, but I think that this is kinda hard to admit because I really haven't gotten the victory over it just yet. Also, because I don't want any sympathy responses or comments. And because things look so good for me from the outside.
I don't really expect everything in this blog to be clearly understood either, because at the present moment I can't even clearly put all of my emotions into words. I just know that in this moment I am tired, and I don't really feel like fighting or even pushing forward. But Dianna, what's going on? what's wrong? That's exactly the problem. Not much at all is wrong. I just moved to a new house, I got to sing on a side stage at the stellar awards, my kids are in good health, my marriage is pretty good and I could honestly go on for days listing all the blessings that God has done in my life without even being phony about it. So why am I not happy?
I believe because I miss my Daddy.
The truth is, religion doesn't work for me. I'm no good at it. Church, singing, trying to do the right thing, defending my faith with scriptures, none of it satisfies me. Blessings don't do it for me either. They just aren't fulfilling enough. Singing in front of people, having a little money in my pocket, my hair growing a little bit longer, even a new house; its cool, but just not enough. I'm unsatisfied. I want what nothing in this world can give me. I want Him. I want to be alone with him, I want to sing to him, I want to hear what he has to say, even if I don't like it, or it hurts. I miss my Daddy. I have gotten too busy and not been intentional about seeking him. I can't keep going like this. Today, I quit. I'm running hard. Here I come Lord. Here I come.
POP Quiz for 1,000 points, Which one of these pictures is Dianna Nicole?
The answer is all of them...
So say you are walking down the street and someone randomly asks you this question, "Hey, do you know Dianna Nicole?" You'd say yes, right? But let's say they asked you another question, "What does she do?" Then what would you say? Would you go on describing a character that you saw, or a story you heard, or would it be about a concert that you went to and saw me? What would you say exactly? Would there be this mumble jumble of words, where you'd basically have to end up saying to the person, "You just have to see it."
Well, I'm thinking that that's not good. And I surely don't blame you at all! I always say if the students aren't getting it, then its probably the teacher. And its so sad that it has taken me so long to fix this problem. You'd think that after handing my business card to hundreds of people, that I'd have a clue by now. When you give your card to people and they say "So, umm you do spoken word?" that should be a clear sign, that you arent sending a clear message. So OK OK OK! I get it! I'm doing a lot of different things and they may not be clear. So what am I going to do about it?
Well, I'm going to start with an apology.... I am sorry if any of you are thoroughly confused about who I am or what it is exactly that I do. My bad. I'll do better.
And secondly, I'm going to fix it. So here it goes.
Random person will be reffered to as RP. You will play yourself ;)
RP-"Do you know Dianna Nicole?"
RP-"What does she do?"
You-"She is a singer/songwriter."
RP- "Oh, I see. Is she any good?"
You-"Yes, she is my favorite artist of all time!" (lol, just wishing I guess!)
Anyway, I hope you got the point.
BUT WAIT A MINUTE! I THOUGHT DIANNA WAS A STORYTELLER! WHAT ABOUT CANDY CANE CANDACE? AND YOU DIDN'T KILL VIVIAN DID YOU? (you'll only understand this part if you have ever seen me do storytelling ;)
Well, the short answer is, that I am a storyteller. But the long one is, that people apprently aren't very fond of people with multiple personalities so Dianna Nicole can only be one person.
I know, I know, I'm making you cry because you will miss my characters so much! (lol, here I go wishing again!)
No worries! I am saying hello from the other side. I now run a business called "Storytelling Sensation" its a stortyelling business that presents powerful and positive stories with a purposeful design! (that was a mouthful) So don't be dismayed, VIVIAN is still alive and well. (she and Dianna just had to break up.... sniff). And you may even see some new faces of other storytellers that join me too! Oh FUN!!!
OK, OK, I'm talking you to death, I get it. Sorry.
In conclusion. Dianna Nicole is a singer/songwriter. And Storytellling sensation is a whole nother seperate thing. Everybody clear?
So, I am sure that lots of you have multiple talents out there! What are they? I'd love to hear about what you do, tell me please!
It has taken me forever to get this out, but here it is. So, some of you may or may not know, but I am a licensed foster parent. Yep, that’s me. The funniest part is that I never imagined that I would be. As a matter of fact, even as I sat in my training classes for it, the instructor told us going into this, “Know your role.” You basically had to do a self- evaluation and figure out what was best for you. Were you a foster home or an adoptive home? Well, I knew right then, and even said it out loud to my neighbor next to me, “I am definitely not a foster parent!” “I could never handle loosing a baby that had been with me…” or so I thought.
Fast forward a few months, and we got a call. A one-year-old little one. Could we keep them? Just for the weekend? Well, ok, sure we can, it’s only a weekend after all. Well that weekend turned into almost two years. The first day was so strange. The arrival was in the crazy early hours of the morning. But I had gotten the call hours before. So I got hardly any sleep, laying on the couch, thinking every moment that my little one had arrived. When first placed into my arms, I remember thinking, wow, you are heavy! And then thinking, wow you are sleeping through all of this! You are going to wake up to a world that you don’t even recognize.
I was new to the baby, and the baby was new to me. It was hard, and sweet and sometimes uncomfortable, and exciting, and frustrating, and sometimes even exhausting. I can remember one day the crying just wouldn’t stop. Screaming and screaming and crying. I sat on the wood floor Indian style holding tight. I will be transparent and just admit to thinking that I didn’t want to hold this baby anymore. But I remember what I whispered to God. I said, I don’t want to hold this baby anymore, but Lord, I bring my flesh into subjection and I will hold this baby as an act of obedience in love to you. And so I held and held and held. Eventually the crying stopped. I’m sure that you have figured out by now that even though it was hard, and sometimes I yelled, that I definitely fell in love. My little baby. I loved deeply. I remember the Holy Spirit telling me to love without holding back. I figured I would adopt this child. A court date came up a few months shy of 2 years. My baby was now 3. Potty training passed, talking, running, and even sorting colors. I answered the phone in the kitchen and heard the words on the other end of the phone…….
The little one has to return home. I’ll be there in an hour or so. I cried out loud and sank into my friend’s arms. She’s such a good friend. I cried and cried. I sank and sank. I sat in a chair and held and held and held. This time I didn’t want to let go. It’s been about four months. I still see little ones that remind me of the one I had to let go. I cry, I giggle, I smile silently, I remember. I asked God a question. How are you supposed to love someone without holding anything back, how are you supposed to give your all, knowing that you cant have them. You know what he said? “Dianna, that’s what I did. I died, I gave all of me without reserve, knowing that the people that I died for would not be mine.” Oh. Man. That was so true. A good lesson from a good father. You know what though? He did it for the gain for the ones who are willing to receive. The truth is, so did I. I truly believe that what I did rescued my little one. I can’t go into every detail, but I was able to help my little one to gain. And I am better because I gave. Many have asked me would I do it again. You know, it really hurt. But I’d have to say…..Yes, I would. Those words stick with me, and make me closer to my Father in a new way. “That’s what I did…”
Today, love without reserve. And when it’s hard, hold, hold, hold, and pray. And if it’s time to let go, then let go with grace.
(Whew, I got that off my chest)
Okay, so today I am going to keep this short and sweet! ...........I finished the CD.
It took a whole lot of work and pressing, but I finished. I even had the release party! I know it is not very often, but I don't have a lot of words to say. Shocker huh? There are pretty much just two words on my heart.......
Thank you! Thank you Lord for bringing me this far, thank you Lord for allowing me to finish, thank you Lord for letting me use what I sing to you to bless other people, thank you for doing more than I could imagine or think, thank you for the season that I am just beginning, thank you for seeing me help when I needed it, thank you for helping me get through the days i was discouraged and wanting to quit. JUST THANK YOU!
AND TO YOU BE ALL THE GLORY AND HONOR, FOREVER. AMEN
Do you have a thank you in your heart today?
Whisper it to him right now. He is sweet!
New CD: www.diannanicole.bandcamp.com
So it recently dawned on me, that I released my first single "My Way" about a year ago! And so I asked myself, why had it been so long since I had released music. Not to boast, but I have written over 150 songs. So a lack of material is not the problem. So then what is?
So I thought and thought and I came to a conclusion........it's ME!
Of course I could blame it on a musician, or back up-singer, or anything else. But there is only one person that is going to see this thing through, ME.
I think that often times we are waiting for God to open a door, or for people to jump on board, or even for a "sign". But I think the truth is, that we need to start moving with what we already have. And as we begin to move, grace and help will come. Both people and God seem to aid those who are already moving, not just talking about it or dreaming. Yes God opens doors, but we are partners together with him. I think that too often we are looking too far ahead down the path at the obstacle ten feet away. Then it stops us from even moving the one foot in front of us. When if we would just move forward, the help for the next step would come.
I have seen this time and time again. Especially in this season of my life. Both people and God have helped me as they have seen me taking the next step forward.
So I have been moving forward step by step. Now I am trying to release my first EP in two weeks. What is an EP? Well, it stands for extended play. It's longer than a single, but shorter than a full album. I have run into an obstacle. I am over half way done with completing the project and need to fund the rest of it. I want to finish this project. I am curious to see what lies on the other side of me letting out what God has given me. I want to share these songs that I have sang to him, and listened to myself over and over again. The songs that have been an encouragement to me when I have wanted to quit, and comforted me when loved ones have died.
So to all of my subscribers out there and to anyone listening, will you please help me finish this project? Will you please help me to take the next step, and let God do the rest?
Thank you so much for all that you have already done. I appreciate you all probably more than you even realize.
By his love,
So who or what is standing in the way of you taking the next step? Is it a circumstance, time, money, or is it ..........YOU?
To donate click here:
I posted my first singing video on You tube this week. Up until this point, there have just been video clips here and there that either I or others have posted on social media. So this was kind of a big step for me. Anyway, I found myself back tracking to all my fears again. What will people think? What will people say? What if they don't like my singing? And on and on and on....... You would think that I'd be past all of this by now. But I find, that the enemy will take whatever he can get his hands on. So he will bring back former things that we struggled with, just to see if he can stop us with them again......
This Sunday at church my pastor spoke on John chapter 17. When Jesus was praying for his disciples, and ultimately us. I found myself tearing up thinking about who God had entrusted me with. I thought of my children. I was thinking, Lord, yes, please help me to be able to say I accomplished all that you had for me to do. Please help me to be able to say that I truly did give them everything that you gave me. But, now I find myself thinking the same thing about all of you too.
A friend of mine told me that I should search my heart and see where my fear was rooted. I did. Basically it's the fear of being rejected. So ultimately it's selfish and prideful. Which is the total opposite of love. Anyway, as I think about that prayer, that Jesus prayed, I find myself praying some of the same things for anyone that will ever hear any song that I sing, book that I write, or character that I present. "Lord, I accomplished all that you had for me to do. I gave them everything that you gave me." I want to be able to say that. And I do not want fear to be able to rob me of that. And so again today, I am remembering what all of this is for. So I will not fear. I will push forward. I will lay myself down for the call. I will walk in my purpose. I was created to bring honor and glory to the name of the almighty father. And so......... goodbye fear.
So…….. It’s been awhile huh? Yes, it definitely has. I have been quite busy. Summer has been in full swing, and though this blog has continually been on my mind, it hasn’t really made it into my schedule. What have I been busy doing? Well, when I last posted, I shared how I was beginning this journey of releasing my first song. I also shared briefly how I had gotten up to that point. Since then I have moved forward in some things both in my life and my work. So……. here is an update. Since I last posted I have:
Closed out our homeschooling year with a big “Totally Terrific Tuesday” park date. I was responsible for heading up the committee, so I got to shop for the water squirters for all the kids.
We had a closing program for my other home school group too! It’s called classical conversations. It is a very, very good program. If you are interested in homeschooling at all, you should definitely check it out. I am definitely learning as I teach my children. I am a tutor there, so I got a great gift from my director. Who just happens to be a good friend as well. The gift was so nice, and had all my faves! Music, food, and a tool for me to spend more time with God. And for those of you who think being vegan is no fun, go have a shake at Chicago Diner!
Got my hair straightened after almost a year, to go on a road trip with my hubby. We drove to North Carolina for my cousins wedding. It was great, we drove through several states and saw some very beautiful and interesting sites. We got to have good conversation laughs. Hubby was in the wedding. He was so Handsome!
For Memorial Day, I spent the day with my fam; My hubby and kids, my sister, my brother, and my nieces and nephews. We played a game of softball against each other at the park. It was great. As you can see, even my mother gets in on the playing action. She was there too. Along with my mother in law who watches us from a distance and laughs. And how could a day be complete without my cousin Eric stopping through and flipping a few of my kids in the air! Ah, the life! The day ended very well, even after we were all smoked out of the house. It seems that some plastic ware got melted in the oven (the icky blob in the garbage below), and filled the house with horrible fumes. We had to get those babies out. Apparently whether they had clothes on or not! (my nephew below leaving the house naked!)
May was quite interesting! By the time June rolled around, summer was just getting started.....
So have you gotten on the busy train, just to realize that you are only at the beginning of a journey. Pause for a min. Pray, breathe, now keep moving!
My family is so talented. They all do something. They sing, or play instruments. They dance or teach. They plan, design, write, act, sew and most anything you could possibly think of. Although this is something that makes me very proud, it is also something that left me fearful and intimidated. I found myself always feeling like I just wasn't good enough. I always compared myself to someone that I thought was better in my family. "Well, I like to sing, but I don't sing like......" and so on. The truth is I have written songs since I was about 9. They weren't all very edifying or good, but ya know...... Anyway, I found myself with all these songs stuffed in an envelope and melodies in my mind, but I was just stuck, and scared. After my father died, I thought, "what if I died and someone found all these songs I have written?" That would be such a waste and a shame. I remember going to a service one day and one by one we walked up on the stage and made personal declarations about what we were letting go of. I declared on that day that I was letting go of the fear I was holding on to, because I was comparing myself to my family. It definitely doesn't mean that I am not scared anymore, but it does mean that I am going to move forward, trembling and all.
So, the first thing I did was met with a wonderful guy that I knew, who was already doing his music. I wanted to see where I should get started. He told me that I couldn’t just walk around with an envelope full of songs. So my very first step was to get all of my songs typed up. Next, I sang all of the melodies to the songs into my phone recorder. This took me quite a while, so during this season I also got together with some of those talented family members of mine. I sang for my birthday party, and I also got a few random requests to sing at various places. Next, I needed to get all of the songs and melodies copy written. Check! Then there was the practicing and studio recording. Then releasing my first song on CD baby, and getting the CD’s created. Then Presto!!!! I was done with my first single! Simple right? NO! Each one of those steps have a story all of their own. I am sure in due time I will share each of them in more detail. But I just wanted to give you a quick glimpse into how it came to be. My purpose with all of this is to encourage someone. I want to tell you today that “IT” is possible. What is the “IT”? Well, you have to answer that. But with patience, take it one step at a time
So what do I want to close with today? Well, I finished my first song. Some people like it…….some people love it…….and some people, well…………don’t. But I did it. I was scared, but I did it anyway. I told people what God told me. I gave people what God gave me. And if I died today, I can say that my gift wasn’t wasted. Can you say that?
Has anyone out there ever had a time in their life when they knew God told them to do something, but they just “kinda” obeyed? LOL! I know that is so silly. But sometimes I’ve had a hard time trusting God. Especially when I couldn’t see what was coming next. So I would partially do what he told me to do, but still try to help him out a bit too. God gave me the song “My Way” about 2 years ago, when I was ending a season just like that. For at least the whole 5 years before that, God had been calling me to stay home with my kids. That was fine, but there was just one problem. Money!!!!!
This story started with me being obedient. I was at home, raising my kids. Then I became discontent. I felt like I was loosing who I was, and I wanted to see what else was out there for me. I wanted a bigger house, and that eventually turned into getting a full time job. I soon learned that going against what God had told me to do was not a good idea. I worked for the first 3 years and then I finally got home, but I was still trying to work the money part out on my own. It was kinda like having one foot in his plan, and one foot out. After 2 more years, I finally put my hands up. I was standing in my kitchen one day, and there is where I heard the song My Way for the first time. God was calling me to surrender, he was calling me into obedience. I think it’s funny how most of my music comes from my own story, but how the Holy Spirit can use the same words and music to talk to others as well. He’s cool that way.
Anyway, the Lord has revisited me with this song on many other occasions. He has used it to grab my attention and get me on the right track again. My prayer is that “My Way” will become a part of other people’s story, and that God will continue to use the words that he spoke in the kitchen that day.
In my next blog I will tell you how the song made it from my kitchen to itunes…….
Do you have one foot in God’s plan for your life, and one foot out? What has God specifically asked you to do, that you are half obeying him in? Do you trust that he can work out all the details and not just some of them? Don’t wait any longer, plant both feet!